Since starting transition, one of the weirdest casualties has been my guitar. It sits by my bed. I was never skilled, but I enjoyed playing around on it. I miss picking it up just to strum a few basic chords & sing, or to play a folk song for my kids before bed.
But I haven't touched it to play it since before transition. And it bums me out. But I can't do it.
I knew I was dysphoric about my voice, so I figured that was the issue. That it wasn't the guitar, it was the singing. But I've worked on that. I got professional trans vocal singing help. I joined a choir & performed publicly. I enjoyed it. I have a lot of work to do, but I overcame what was blocking me the most from singing.
But the guitar sits unplayed for years now. I miss something about it, but I can't pick it up. I feel gross at the thought of actually holding it and playing it. But I also constantly have the urge to reach for it. Probably a greater urge than I ever had before transition.
