I kind of just need others uninvolved opinion

scrubbles, 25 days ago

Today’s word of the day - Miscommunication!

I think she thought you took “Adventure Buddies” as FWB, and then when you tried to explain yourself she saw it as backpeddling. Weird to use a term like that, I would usually call them “friends”. Anyway escalation, escalation, then over.

I get what you were trying to say, but it did come off as a bit oversexual. You didn’t mean it, don’t beat yourself up over it, just take it as a learning experience. Saying something outright like “FWB” to me comes off as “They have sex on the mind.” Rewording it to “I get it, I’ve tried the more casual thing and I think I’m looking for something more serious. Sounds like you aren’t, I get it, I’ve been through the same. If you do become ready, I’m always happy to meet for coffee”. And that’s it, no more follow ups, that’s the end of the conversation.

She isn’t innocent either, but I think she had her guard up and so she was in a mindset of taking things negatively. Just next time with the next person just keep it light, chill. Understanding, but yeah steer away anything that might come off as you’re trying to get in their pants. HR’s favorite phrase is “Intent is Irrelevant”, if they took it that way, then you probably should reflect on why they took it that way.

Last thing, the last message is very passive aggressive, and I know you were mad, but phrases like “You are” and “I’m sorry you feel that way” are very confrontational. A better closing would have been a simple “I’m sorry, I think we had a miscommunication, I apologize if what I said came out wrong.” “I’m sorry”, “I think”, “I apologize” instead of you

Everythingispenguins, 25 days ago

I get what you are saying, I just feel like it doesn’t fully fit. Adventure buddy was originally her language and I expressly said I didn’t want a FWB situation. It just feels to me like it was okay for her to say no, but as soon as I did I became the bad person.

IDK

scrubbles, 25 days ago

Don’t think of what she’s reading as she knows you, but think about the dozens of skeezy guys that have come before you, and the shitty tricks they’ve tried to pull from her. It’s shitty, but a lot of women have their guard up immediately assuming that guys are just trying to get in their pants. I guarantee some sleezebag has tried saying “Oh no way I have no interest of being FWB. Unless you would be interested, hahaha jkjkjk but really?”

wesker, 25 days ago (edited 25 days ago)

Seems like an honest miscommunication. I don’t think either of you should feel bad, it just seems like y’all are on two totally different pages and because of that, wires got crossed. Don’t beat yourself up, it just isn’t a match.

EDIT: FWIW text messaging may be the worst communication medium when you’re just getting to know someone. It is so easy for things to be misconstrued, especially when exchanging huge bodies of text. I always keep texts light until I feel like I know someone’s communication style well.