(M23) Going through the usual breakup with (M23)

Been with this guy for 3 years now, I have been making plans in my head for when we are able to move in together, while unfortunately we were in a long distance relationship we still had a lot in common and were able to enjoy our time online together playing videogames and watching movies with the occasional visit once every 4 months or so for a week.

Such a pretty relationship, I feel, like I’m enjoying his company throughout my days of studying and university. But anyways, he feels like he doesn’t want to try to make our relationship workout anymore, so basically breaking up with me. I told him before I let him finish, that I’m gonna be a bit stubborn and still go ahead with my visit in 10 days to go talk to him in person to actually do this. He sighed, and said that he owes me that atleast. This is the 3rd time he’s trying to break up with me, and last time he promised that he’d wait for me and that he won’t break up with me again and that I’d be the one to do so. Just my trust in him is shattered after this.

I am just not sure which way to take this, try to continue with the visit and maybe still stay together or just decide not to go and cut him off from being friends. I’m not sure, part of me wants to still go and do agree we need to break up and just leave the relationship without a sour taste in the mouth, and maybe in the future be friends again.

Edit: Feeling better bout the break up now, I do know I’m not getting back together with them and probably not gonna talk to them for a very long time. I’ve reached out and made a new friend and I’ll keep on trying to find new ones to help with the being lonely part. Looking forwards to it

Boinkage,

You are worthy of real, earnest love. You deserve someone who wholeheartedly loves and desires you. You can find that person as soon as you end this relationship and finish mourning the end of the relationship you had. Breakups are a form of death in your life, but sometimes you have to let things go to be free for the next good thing in your life. Don’t waste your time on lukewarm partners.

Adori, (edited )
@Adori@lemmy.world avatar

I’ll definitely treasure this one even through all that, I’ll do my best with making sure look out for myself a bit on this situation. I do think it best for me to continue to the next person, I don’t think I can go through a 4th break up with the same person. That just seems like a horrible cycle to follow. Thank you.

Emperor,
@Emperor@feddit.uk avatar

This is the 3rd time he’s trying to break up with me, and last time he promised that he’d wait for me and that he won’t break up with me again and that I’d be the one to do so. Just my trust in him is shattered after this.

I know you like him, but that second time should have been the sign to walk (if the first one wasn’t enough).

I am just not sure which way to take this, try to continue with the visit and maybe still stay together or just decide not to go and cut him off from being friends.

If there’s no chance of a compromise between the two positions (ie don’t visit, say you get the message but you can stay friends. Just as long as you know that, a few months from now, you won’t be trying to talk him into giving it another chance) then I suppose you go with the latter option.

dumples,
dumples avatar

You need to break up with him, but since you are both men you can maintain a friendship. Its common for men who used to hook up or even date to maintain friendships afterwards. Go on your visit and be honest and say you want to still be friends afterwards. You might need a little break right afterwards to let the wounds heal but you don't have to leave him forever. Since you are long distance this healing might be easier to do but you can keep him in your life for videogames and movies. You are both young, there is plenty of time for both of you to get over this and find someone better suited for you.

NovaPrime,
@NovaPrime@lemmy.ml avatar

You admit that this is the third time your partner has broken up with you. I know it hurts and sucks, but it’s time to move on. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to love you and be with you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and your (now ex) partner has the right to walk away amicably without being assailed for it (even if it would make you feel better emotionally for a time).

I’m sorry you’re having this experience though. I’ve been there and it’s the kind of thing that sticks with you. But you can and will get past it.

Adori,
@Adori@lemmy.world avatar

I’ve been doing really good on not messaging him rn. I’ll take your word on that “has the right to talk away amicably without being assailed for it”, I’ll do my best on that. Thx dud.

NovaPrime,
@NovaPrime@lemmy.ml avatar

I know it’s hard, and it won’t get any easier in the short term, but you deserve to be loved by someone who wants to be with you. This won’t be your last relationship. In time you will heal and hopefully find someone who cherishes you for you

Adori,
@Adori@lemmy.world avatar

Hell yeah, I do deserve to be with someone like that. I’m keeping a optimistic outlook on that, thx bru

Tedrow,
@Tedrow@lemmy.world avatar

Hey man, I’m sorry you’re going through this. That being said, you need to let him go. It’s not worth staying in a relationship if the other person wants out. It isn’t healthy for either of you.

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