Burnout is a bitch. I think all of us who have experienced it, or are experiencing it, will agree with that. But, how it presents and how long it maintains its hold over us, seems to be as variable as so much else about us.
I can now recognise the many times I have experienced burnout in my life. Each one marked by my constant refrain of, "I'm just tired" and with me doggedly plodding on with my life as best I could. Even now, in the deepest and longest burnout of my life, I am still doing the same.
Of course, I at least know to try and pace myself now. To let the unimportant things slide until their time comes and to spread out what has to be done, to the best of my ability. I know to dedicate time to self-care, to rest and recreation and to acknowledging my needs as an autistic person. This much, realising you are autistic can teach you. It can also help you to spot the signs of burning out sooner and hopefully mitigate its effects that way.
When that's possible, of course. For what caused my current burnout was unfortunately a series of overlapping events that I could not avoid, or do anything about. It was almost as if life chose to keep throwing things at me, each more intense and impossible to avoid, until I broke. But then life can be like that sometimes.
Autistic burnout is, of course, different from normal burnout, in what causes it and how it presents. It is, more often than not, a breakdown of our ability to cope with the demands being placed on us and not with how much we can carry. We are used to carrying insane loads and with having to work so much harder than most other people, just to keep putting one foot in front of the other through life. In fact, I know that I never really rest, not even now. My life is one long and continuous assessment and checking on whether the routines I have in place are being maintained. Whether I have done everything, on what needs to be done and finding new ways to blames myself for why it hasn't been done yet. There is no such thing as not working as far as my brain is concerned. And because I never stop, I don't know how to stop. How to heed the signals of tiredness and exhaustion and how to not knuckle down and continue anyway. It has been the story of my life. In work and everywhere else, always push, push, push.
And perhaps this is why autistic burnout is so common and possibly even inevitable. The sheer effort that life already is. The constant raggedy edge we walk just to get through a day and how in doing this day after day, all we end up doing is teaching ourselves to ignore the warning signs and that our needs are even important. And end up learning instead, that all that really matters is the next plodding step, no matter the load we are already carrying.
@pathfinder@actuallyautistic I was chatting with a friend earlier and during our conversation I realized that my most recent burnout started in 2017 - peaked in 2021 - and I am just beginning to emerge. It’s the longest but not the worst. Knowing what it is helps, for sure. Having a community, even when I’m mostly silent, also helps. 🌟
You are pretty much my ASD guru & I’m so very much at the start of my journey learning how to cope (also btw , just realised that ,despite my previous doubts , I am probably AuDHD ) so I’m at a loss when it comes to supporting others at the mo.
That said:
I totally recognise where you are because I now realise that is where I am too at the mo.
I’m not sure if an autistic burnout shared ½s it but maybe there is some vague sense of comfort in sharing the struggle?
I will help in anyway I can , even if only as an additional someone to vent to.
You’re in my thoughts my friend , I hope that you (well ‘we’ if I’m being honest) pull thru to the other side of this soon!
@Tim_McTuffty@actuallyautistic
Thank you. 😊
I'm also beginning to suspect that adhd maybe in my mix too. It certainly explains certain things about how I've functioned over the years.
One of the things we learn from each other, is the price we pay for intensity and effort. Sometimes in burnout, sometimes in the ways it takes us time to recover, which always seems longer than the effort seems to justify.
After the stress of your ASD eval and disappointment with the doctor and other health worries, it's no wonder you're feeling down now and also more susceptible to the bugs and beasties going around.
Learning just how much time we may need to process and recover from things is an ongoing project for most of us. The main thing though, is that none of it is our fault. So, more than a little grace and kindness for yourself never hurts.
:bear_hugs:
@pathfinder@actuallyautistic
Time scales are relative to system. Meaning if you have 1000 spoons and you burn 1500 spoons for awhile you may be able to handle it for awhile. Only by juggling mental health. I think it’s easier to juggle life than my touchy system. Great post Kevin.
@EVDHmn@actuallyautistic
I think that sometimes we forget that we are capable of the amazing, for far longer than we would imagine. But there's always a price.
"...a series of overlapping events I could not avoid..." - thats it. no matter how vigilant we are, we're going to experience burnout
common ways it affects me (telling me it's Autistic burnout & not "work burnout," etc) include losing my sense of time, increased dyspraxia, depressive thoughts, restlessness & cognitive confusion
checking in with ourselves is so crucial
sending you the good good vibes as you protect your way thru these days ✊
@seanwithwords@actuallyautistic
Yes definitely. Virtually everything I struggle with as an autistic, became so much more. Sound sensitivity through the roof, PDA, trauma triggers, executive functioning. It is so much more than just exhaustion and requires a level of self-care and awareness that quite frankly isn't exactly second nature to most of us.
@Susan60@actuallyautistic
I'm into my second year. Although, I think it was brewing for quite some time, before reaching the point where even I couldn't ignore it.
@Susan60@actuallyautistic
Indeed it does. It also helps to learn from others that this was never about me, either in terms of blame or weakness, but simple what can happen. 😊
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