Randall would state that all things considered the glass is filled with water by 50% and the most likely will be emptied in due time. Then would follow an explanation on where the philosophical metaphor comes from.
In "Strengths" both Lix and Randall are around 30 and apart from their mental health issues quite healthy.
Randall has an underlying fear to die of a heart attack like his father. It makes his eating habits look even more weird to the outsider. It has to be the right texture, pattern, AND healthy.
Lix has some issues with her period but she tries to hide the pain because it is difficult enough to prove herself every day in a male dominated job and during a civil war.
Randall doesn't believe in endings, neither happy nor sad. Everything is in flux. An ending is a new beginning, and every beginning of something inevitably means it has to end in some way.
Lix likes to dream about happy endings.The tough war reporter would never admit it to anyone, but secretly she imagines retiring from the front lines, have a nice job in an important news outlet where she can work from the desk instead of wallowing in mud, blood, and senseless death.
As an outsider with several incapabilities, I can relate to not being able to do something and being outcast from society for it. That's the reason why a lot of my characters are disabled or simply can't do certain things or need to do things in a certain way that feels right to them. And I let them succeed not in spite of this or because they overcome this, but BECAUSE of them being different.
Randall wants to be seen as competent as photographer and journalist. He feels he is lacking in all other aspects of being human, but this is something he is good at, so he strives to strengthen his skills and sometimes does risky things to achieve it.
Lix wants to be seen as strong and just as good if not better than her male colleagues. Other than that, she doesn't give a sh*t how others see her. She knows she gets what she wants if she puts her mind (or body) to it.
How Lix and Randall show affection is interesting to me because I had to de-age characters I have written for a long time for "Strengths". Which means I had to pay close attention to how they were 20 years ago and how their personalities developed. People are both: damaged by life, but also, they grow and learn. So, this takes more than a toot to answer. 1/?
There is an inherent tragic in Randall's character: his love language is touch, yet, his #neurodivergence also means he is sensitive and easily overstimulated by touches. While he learns to regulate it over time and find ways to cope with unwanted touches, this isn't the case in the timeslot of this story. Even more tragic: he doesn't KNOW his love language is touch, so, as an outcome, we do see a character who is severely touch-starved without actually knowing it. 2/4
Needless to say, I liked writing him discovering this part of himself, since I consider it part of his strength.
Lix is also rather complex: she easily shows affection, but it is often just a display on the surface. She uses it for her purposes, she is quick to call people "darling", touch their arm, hug and kiss them, but it doesn't mean anything to her. She can even sleep with people just to get an information. It doesn't touch her in a deeper sense. 3/4
Underneath that surface is a very guarded personality and even closer guarded heart. This heart once belonged to someone she has lost. She hasn't let anyone close since then. He was the only one who ever saw how affectionate she really can be if she truly cares about someone. 4/4
For Randall it is touches. He can't stand them. Or so he thinks... Turns out this isn't even remotely true, but an uncaring and intolerant environment when growing up does this to you.
On an intellectual level it is violence. He abhors it. It is why he wanted to become a war reporter - to make people see and understand how cruel and unnecessary wars are. For himself, he never fights back physically, which is why he is been seen as "weak" by most other people. (1/2)
For Lix it is not being taken serious and listened to, just because she is a woman. She is good with words and if someone tries to shut her down, she makes sure that they get to know she has got a problem with that. People see her as egoistic and "difficult", but it is rooted in her belief that everybody should have a say, no matter the gender, upbringing, origin, sexual orientation. She's a raging humanist. So is Randall, BTW. (2/2)
At this early point of their lives I'd say there are a lot of traumatizing things buried in the past both for Lix and for Randall but nothing they would think of as "secret". More that they both prefer not being reminded.
There is one secret Lix has, but it is also plot relevant, so I can't tell you because SPOILERZZZ!
Randall doesn't believe there will ever be anybody willing to be his significant other. In fact, he thinks he is broken because - so far - he hasn't experienced romantic attraction to anyone.
Lix doesn't think a significant other would fit her and her lifestyle. She likes living life on the risky side of things, finds her pleasure along the way and doesn't allow anybody close to her heart.
Yes, they are both lonely without really being aware of it, why do you ask? 😏
Randall loves reading everything he gets a hold on, although with fiction, he reads it in an analytical way. He isn't moved by what happens to the characters but rather analyzes how it might move people, applying what he knows reading psychology. He also has a thing for expressionist movies like Fritz Lang's "Metropolis".
Lix doesn't have time for fiction. She reads the newspaper and about history and politics. She does enjoy theater, opera, and musicals, though.
At the moment Lix and Randall live in a Spanish town next to the Catalan border, but their whereabouts change every day, depending where the job takes them. They are war reporters in the #SpanishCivilWar, and their latest mission takes them to the mountains where front lines are an illusion. The landscape becomes a third party in this conflict and you can't tell who is friend and enemy, anymore. #PennedPossibilities 103
Oh, yes! Randall is #neurodivergent and has #OCD
Things have to be exactly right, otherwise he gets stuck or can't speak. He needs to tap, rectify, make sure things are level. In his later years, he understands himself better, but right now, at 29, he just hates himself for it. While the people around him don't really understand what goes on, it is also one of his strengths because he notices things others don't and thinks differently.
Lix would say she has none, but of course, she has. A whole range of them and Randall has a list in his notebook that he adds whenever he notes a new one. It is nothing specific about Lix, but something he does with all the people he has to deal with. It lets him understand the emotions better when he knows that person A scratches his ear when he is upset and person B rubs her hands when she is happy.
Later on Randall will note that the little wrinkle on Lix's forehead when she is confused makes him feel joy and he finds himself seeking for possibilities to confuse her just to provoke that wrinkle. Same with the way she looks at him over the rim of her glasses when she expects an explanation, so he starts to be more cryptic in his wording. In fact, the way he realizes he feels differently about Lix than he does about all the other people is very analytic.
Randall:
"There is no such thing like perfect happiness. I think some people might experience a little bit of happiness but it will always be overshadowed by something. It is like it is." shrugs
Lix:
"There is no such thing like perfect happiness. You have to grab the few happy moments that you can get. Laugh, dance, drink, make love, we all might die tomorrow." empties glass and looks for a flirt
Lix will stand up for those who need a voice, against oppression, injustice, war. She prefers to do so with words, but if that fails, she can also use her fists or a weapon.
Randall believes in equality and the freedom of the individual. He is not the type who voices his opinion loud, but if provoked he will do so, in a way you could print it word for word and you would think it was a speech from a famous politician or philosopher. He hates violence with a passion. #PennedPossibilities 107
Lix's greatest fear is that something happens that means she can't work as journalist anymore. It is likely, both because she is a war reporter and because there are people not liking a successful female journalist.
Randall's greatest fear... he is full of anxieties but he doesn't have that ONE BIG FEAR. He doesn't care enough about himself to be afraid of his own death and there is no one he is close to. This will change throughout the story, though. #PennedPossibilities 106
Alex:
"It is a photo of Jamie, Séamus, John, and me playing cards during the Irish Civil War, taken by Lix. It reminds me of a time I hadn't had to hide my identity, because I was just one of the boys, not working for the government like I did later. It were cruel times but also, it were kinda carefree times. Life has become complicated. And, yeah, well, I am the only one who is still alive. War takes the best and leaves the rest." wipes brow
Randall doesn't share his deepest secrets with anybody. He doesn't really have secrets to share, anyway, but he knows that he is weird and wrong and has theories why he is like he is. But he wouldn't tell anybody, he keeps everything inside where, like dirt in a wound, it festers and makes him hate himself.
Lix had only one person she felt comfortable sharing her secrets with. And that person is dead. So, no one, really.
When you look up "introvert" in a dictionary, you'll find Randall's picture.😂
He does like company, but only specific company from specific people that don't confuse him.
Lix is an extrovert. When she has some quiet time (which doesn't happen often) all the thoughts and memories come back and so she heads out to seek a drink and some company, preferably company that doesn't ask too personal questions.
Randall doesn't believe in fortune tellers but if you show him scientific proof that they really can see the future, he'd ask if he ever will be a normal man. If he ever manages not being weird and obsessed and if he will ever fall in love.
Lix will investigate the background of the fortune teller, discover that they are a scam, and bring them to justice. Then, she will tell Randall that he isn't weird or wrong at all and that he should shut up and dance with her.
Randall: "I... I'd rather not talk about it." blushes
Lix: "I was fourteen. A good friend. Nothing serious. We were just fooling around. It was wet and spongy and I was a bit disappointed. I tried again with someone else, a bit later. Like everything, it needed practice. And I got a lot of that when I met Jamie. He was a good kisser. And we liked to practice. He was something very special." sad smile
Randall relies most on his sense for patterns that is rooted in his heightened senses and sensibility that might or might not stem from his #neurodivergence
This, in combination with his outstanding ability to memorize things is his hidden "superpower". There is a snipped from the first chapter of "Strengths" (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48775423/chapters/123041050) where he explains to Lix how his sense for patterns works.
Lix wouldn't say that she especially relies on one sense, but actually, her ears are pretty good and her filtering abilities are outstanding. She can sit and follow the conversation at her own table while listening into what is spoken about three tables behind her, switching her attention so she can reliably add a "mhm" at the right time so the people at her own table have no idea that she is actually taking mental notes of what she hears from the other conversation.
Alex: "I am beyond the point of looking forward to anything. Haven't in a long while. Death is around every corner and all that matters is getting out of this war alive.I'm tired of this. i want to get out of this. I am done caring about the cost."
Randall feels that one of the many things that are fundamentally wrong with him is that he doesn't feel romantic attraction although every song and movie tells him he has to.
Lix is done with romance. A partner isn't even part of any consideration. She keeps her heart well out of any relationship.
It stands to reason of this changes throughout the story.😏
Alex: "Needed? All the time. They need me to save their arses, the need me to catch the bullets, they need me to get them out of the mess. They need me to do the dirty jobs. Did they ever appreciate it? No. Did they ever thank me for it? Also no. Yes, I am needed but I am done with it. it is time to start caring about myself!"
Today's #PennedPossibilities 150 is easy to answer for "Strengths" because it was due to the hashtag day 8 asking the MC what strength is.
It was a one shot with which I answered, and which now is the first chapter. https://archiveofourown.org/works/48775423/chapters/123041050
But @floofpaldi answered to it in her own chapter of their story "The Past is a Wound" and that in turn inspired me to enhance it to a story in the Spanish Civil War, intertwining it with the Irish Civil War and bring in a lot of things I am passionate about.
It came to be a story about the absurdities of war, civil wars in particular, about what makes people strong or weak, about battling with #OCD and coming to terms with #neurodivergence and with #grief. I included my love for Irish folk music and history. And it has a #demisexual falling in love, so there's #romance too. I now just need to finish it...
And of course what continues to inspire it is having an engaged readership in @floofpaldi@DoctorMonkey2 and @QuokkaMocha
Yes, I am proud of Randall. It is not so much about the obvious brave things he does throughout the story, but that he is someone who doesn't deal well with violence and human atrocities but still did everything to become a war reporter. Because he thinks it is important and that he can do something with his writing to prevent wars from happening in the future. Yes, it is naive and won't work, but I admire the determination and ability to dream big.
I am furthermore proud of how he deals with his #OCD and #neurodivergence that always gets in his way. Not only does he manage them, he also uses the special abilities they give him.
I am also proud of Lix. She really never gives up and tries to save the day, even if she doesn't always manage. I am even more proud that after years of trying to suppress all her emotions and just act cold and rational, she is able to open up, and if only a little bit.
Randall: "I am a photographer. More precisely, I am a war reporter who is responsible for documenting the Spanish Civil War with the means of photography, right now. I am assigned to assist Miss Storm. She has a brilliant writing style so I strive to deliver photos that underline what she has to say. I want to wake humanity up with the pictures I show them. This horror has to stop! This war must be ended at all cost. All wars must be ended! Now!" #PennedPossibilities 152
Lix: "I am a war reporter." pauses, takes a sip of Whiskey
"Come on, say it, I know you want to." pauses
"Yes, I am a woman. Never saw a woman at the front lines? We are everywhere, nurses, radio operators, even pilots and soldiers. It is just your prejudice that tells you we aren't here!" scoffs
"I am a female war reporter and I am bloody good at it. Now, leave me alone, I have an article to write." Lights a cigarette and starts typing, ignoring you completely
Randall can't lie, even if he wanted to. It is one of his most endearing and sometimes maddening traits. Ironically, in this story one of the consequences is that people assume he hides something from them.
Lix has no problems with lying if it serves her purpose. But she would never deceive her team or her friends. That's sacred territory to her.
In the future, Randall will feel a lot different about some things. He will stop drinking, understanding that it doesn't help him deal with how he is and instead makes matters worse.
He will lose the illusion that he can change the world and stop wars with his photos.
Somewhere, in the far, far future, he will understand that he is worthy of being loved and stop running away from himself. But we are talking 20 years in the future, here. #PennedPossibilities 157
Lix lost her illusion in a just world at a very young age, if she ever had it. Show the cruelties without sugarcoating them, that's her motto.
In the future, she will understand that while she can't change big politics, still her work has meaning, that by being successful in a male dominated field she paves the way for younger women and that she is part of changing society.
And in 20 years she will learn that there are second chances in life and that she can be loved.
I mean, it is wartime and Randall went to the front lines fully aware of it. He learns that he doesn't deal well with what he experiences there, worse than he expected. He will never get used to losing people.
Lix seems to cope better but at the very bottom of that is that she has lost someone dear very early in her life, during the Irish Civil War, and since then, she doesn't let anyone close. It changed her forever.
I am a sucker for hurt/comfort scenes so I always look forward to writing those tender moments between characters. I really just write those for myself, I'd say. Readers can happily skip over them.
But in this WIP it is Hal I had the most fun with. He is a minor side character and a sadistic, mad, pseudo-religious villain. Searching for bible quotes he could pull out of context was much more fun than it should have been.
If he reads, he reads and if he hits an author he loves, he won't stop until he has read EVERYTHING from said author as well as every work mentioned in what he reads.
If he listens to music he gets LOST in the music.
And with art... let's say there is more than one museum they had to drag him out at closing time.
What he loves he loves with everything and anything that is to love about it.
Lix reads a lot but is not consistent. She might have a streak where she indulges herself in old philosophers, then again, she doesn't read for months, just to turn to romance and crime novels.
With music, she likes the good vibes and that it gets you into contact with people, so, no specific preference. Dancing is more important than the music to dance to.
Likewise with art. She knows what she likes when she sees it.
Not accolades as such, but Randall chases the dream to take that one epic shot that will make people understand that war is never worth it, that they have to do everything to live peacefully together.
Lix seeks to be known as the best war reporter that ever has been. Best in the world. No, not the best FEMALE war reporter. The best war reporter - full stop. The one who took the most risks and brought back the best stories.
Being respected is important to her and at the same time, showing how cruel war is, making people understand and stop that madness drives her to take the biggest risks.
Randall doesn't really like to celebrate. It seems useless to him to celebrate for example Christmas as a festivity of peace when the world is at war.
Lix celebrates whatever there is to celebrate. Christmas, Chanukah, Eid al-Fitr, saint's day, birthdays, weddings, ... she takes all of them and tries to enjoy as much as she can. "We might all die tomorrow" is her motto and she lives by it.
"I can't do that! I can't! There is nothing I am thankful for. I am what I am because of me. Because I made it until here because of me and no one else. You can't make me do that! You can't! No one can!"
I accidentally replied to 162 for the MC, so I am fixing this now.
As a former catholic, Alex used to celebrate Easter and Christmas. It were the two dates that reminded him that there is something else than just risking your life without getting any recognition of his services. Nowadays he doesn't celebrate anything except maybe that he survived the day in the evening.
Randall has seen this in movies and heard about it in songs. He theoretically thinks it looks nice but practically he doubts that there will ever be a "special someone" for him. Who would love a weird, obsessed, fidgety photographer, anyway?
Lix likes the sound of that. It sounds like just the thing to relax and get all the thoughts about war out of her head. Doesn't need to stay just cuddling.
Lix: "Oh, I have TONS of pick-up lines but unfortunately it isn't ladylike to use pick-up lines." pauses
"But I was never a lady." throws her head back and laughs, mouth wide open
"Okay, okay, here is one of my favorites: Did you know I am related to Houdini? No? Well, I am and I just made the mistletoe disappear. But you are allowed to kiss me, anyway."
Add comment