0x00string

@0x00string@infosec.exchange

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martincrownover, to drawing
@martincrownover@mastodon.gamedev.place avatar
0x00string,

@martincrownover quite like this one! its got a energizing vibe!

0x00string, to random

fuck money.

0x00string, to random

force the wealthy to bury the dead.

0x00string, to random

i think we should forcefully infect everyone who makes decisions at the CDC with covid and then make them stand up at that fucking podium and tell us not to isolate at all anymore.

FUCK THE CDC AND THEIR BLOODY HANDS MOTHERFUCKING SACRIFICING THE YOUNG AND OLD AT THE ALTAR OF RICH DADDYS FEET FUCK THE CDC AND EVERYONE WHO WORKS THERE.

da_667, to random

it feels so good to be able to run a bat file that just deletes defender AV.

0x00string,

@da_667 they keep growing back its regenerating

0x00string, to random

when i fart the video chat app reminds me my mic is muted

0x00string, to random

got the 2yo saying "ITS THE OATS FOR ME"

0x00string, to random

trying really hard to apply the same thinking i have about my wife to my work

my wife wouldnt have married me if she didnt like me

ceo of work wouldnt have scooped me up off twitter if they didnt think i was a good hire

my wife wouldnt have stayed with me all this time if there wasnt something about worth being married to

my work wouldnt have not fired me this long if i wasnt doing good enough to keep my job

0x00string, to random

panic. - i was a little late this morning but still on time. i feel behind on this project at work and it has been hectic, i havent been content with my contribution or performance. my stomach feels empty maybe im a little hungry. i had a redbull. i feel mad and sad about events outside my immediate surroundings. im not personally in any immediate danger, im good with my folks, im current on my obligations. my todo list is long, but i am not behind to detriment on anything on it.

i bet it is work and food. i will eat a snack and go back to work and redouble my efforts to out-focus my adhd.

Toxic_Flange, to random
0x00string,

@Toxic_Flange wen browsers and javascript eta

0x00string, to random

lets bury more war criminals and make more room to dance

martincrownover, to drawing
@martincrownover@mastodon.gamedev.place avatar
0x00string,

@martincrownover hell yeah nice one

0x00string,

@martincrownover thanks for sharing your art!

0x00string, to random
0x00string, to random

im wearing the shirts that were too tight before and now they fit just right, and measuring my waist ive hit the lowest circumference measured so far! 40.5"

0x00string, to random

black kicks, black socks, green parachuted joggers, fitted black tee with muchas absinthe robette graphic, green hat. looking like an island. wife digs it bad.

0x00string, to random

i don't wanna see you on your bad days no no no https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmU7EM2TQzY

0x00string, to random

overwhelmed by emotion

0x00string, to random
0x00string, to random

good morning neighbs. going for 8 today.

honze_net, to random

Firefox is one of the best hacker tools...

0x00string,

@honze_net i find computer is best hacker tool

0x00string, to random

NullString's Hollistic Plan To Stop Crying On The Floor: Weekly Self Reflection

Body-ody-ody

Running

on monday i ran a 12 minute mile then walked 8 minutes, wednesday i did intervals and hit a 9.2mph best pace, friday i just walked, and today i ran a 15 minute mile after walking 3 miles or so in 6" snow pulling a sled with the kiddos. the 5k is coming up and wifes foot pain hasnt gone away so she doesnt want to run it, i told her id still want to walk it with her if shed be down so we might so that. im still going to work up to being able to run the 5k at her pace though either way. shes gonna go see the foot witch.

i think i am going to chill out on the trying to run so fast. it hurts the fuck out of my knees and hips to run that fast, and also i dont get any higher MET from running intervals up to 9.2mph versus just running a steady 12 minute mile then walking some.

Cycling

ive just kind of been phoning it in, huffing up to zone two and then doing my morning self assessment while i maintain that. i get decent calories out of it, but im not really even pursuing any goals with it. still feels good to get the calories in and energy up though. it feels like a break from running days which is probably lending to it feeling so easy to phone it in.

Strength

ive been doing this schedule where i do 1 arms day, 1 legs day, 2 core days, and 2 chest days. on monday-friday i do 25 minutes and on saturday i do 35 minutes. on tuesday i so the most intense version of whatever day it is, so that 25 minutes is as much or more physical effort than the 35 minute day. this was challenging this week but the two-wave of effort makes it easier to keep pushing all week and feel like i can take the rest on sunday without feeling like im slacking.

i did not work on my archer pushups, pistol squats, 90 degree hold, kip ups, or any other of my goals, nor did me and the wife do any of the stretches we tried to plan (we did fuck instead of doing one so thats better anyway tbh). i didnt really focus on those goals this week.

through these efforts and honestly probably the lazier i was about eating right, i added on 1.5lb of muscle mass and some .02lb of bone while keeping body fat disappointingly static.

Physique

honestly, i like how i look when i am dressed, at least a little bit. i dont know that ive felt that way since college, so its really quite enjoyable.

undressed, i observe progress, the added muscle mass and the fat lost so far are apparent. i can make my pecs do the thing like the rock. my ass is oats thick and firm as fuck. the places on my body that dont carry fat are pretty fuckin taught.

i have a long way to go still, though the progress pleases me and i am making myself celebrate it.

Brain Shit

Journaling MY DIARY

whatever voice is most annoying for you to hear this next three words in my therapist said that when i feel shit that i cant identify such that i would become angry or sad instead to mask it, to sit with it and journal it out and try to figure out what made me feel that way and then try to actually identify the feeling.

since then ive been really trying to do that, and last week i think, or early this week, some opportunities to do that came up and i was able to work through some shit and then keep feeling good after like i was able to understand the feeling better and so it didnt just derail me.

then this week, it felt like more often than feeling something bad and journaling, i felt good about things and decided to journal about them as well.

My Kids

i had great afternoons all week, and then great days with the kids and all the work ive been doing to try to learn to be better at parenting really shined. i feel incredible about it.

MY WIFE! YOU PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF HER I NEVER MENTION HER

she said she likes my lazy laundry day gym shorts a second time lmao, its because last time and this time, oh shit is this the third time?! each time its because i been wearing them when i feel good. tonight she said its because she likes the length and fabric lol, last time i recall she said "i dont know, i just like how they look on you"

she told me shes glad im around at times when she might have wished i wasnt, she told me she looks forward to seeing me in the mornings and she doesnt look forward to seeing anyone in the morning ever, shes complimenting me, shes telling me shes bragged to her friend about me, shes giving me the eys, shes asking me for PVP and more frequently than she ever has in our entire relationship, and were so in sync and vibing so hard its like a movie. shes into me.

My 2pm Panic

I havent seen 2pm panic in a while that i can recall specifically, at least not significantly enough to call a 2pm panic.

Framing Things More Gooder

a while back, early on in my efforts to fundamentally change everything about myself, during an otherwise shining moment in a particularly bleak time, my wife told me "its like youre a different person!" and instead of thinking "yes, nailed it thats literally what im trying to do!" i was sad and pissy about how she didnt like me so much before wah baw BUT THATS THE POINT RIGHT?! anyway i digress.

she said something along those same lines to me, she has several times actually i guess, but the point is, each time shes said something like that to me, ive successful decided to feel psyched on my success and the reward than to feel sad that i used to suck before i decided to be awesome.

several things like this, but the above is the easiest to recall.

Meditation

ive been meditating first thing right when i wake up. i get up out of bed, i grab a blanket and a little pillow and i make myself into a little volcano on top of one of the furnace vents, i turn on a little SADS lamp pointing at me, and i spend 5 minutes meditating on what mood i would like to start the day with and what my intention for the day is. from this, i decide what my mantra for the day will be, its usually some dumb shit like "be cool, baby" but its working for me. ive been able to start every day with the mood i want and with a sense of purpose and intention that i usually feel like i lack. i feel like i am i control of how i meet the day. this has been powerful for me.

after both cardio and strength training i meditate on gratitude. this is also immensely powerful for me as it has been allowing me to carry on positive feelings from things for days when before i would be lucky to feel them for hours or less.

today i got so a steamin mad at someone on the internet. if youve known me long enough to have seen me back on twitter, you know that normally i would be fucking down, and ill fite you all day, i will outlast you, i will wear you down like following a deer until its too tired to carry on, but i hate that about myself, thats almost never useful and that energy is better spent elsewhere in my life. today i decided to just lay down and meditate specifically on what i was grateful for today, and i shit you know, i cracked a non-forced smile laying there and when i opened my eyes again i felt liberated from that tension and anger. incredible.

Using Drugs To Alleviate My Constant Sense Of Impending Danger And Dread

ive been using thc for this since i started being able to get my hands on it, and more recently much more cognizant of the fact that im using it as medicine. my therapist and gp both think this is dope and are glad it works for me to cope, but my therapist wants me to try microdosing psilocybin in addition to still wanting me to consider doing a heroic dose PTSD therapy thing. i still dont know how i feel about either, but he says the microdose could possibly work for me the way thc does. im willing to give it a try, and i talked to my new supervisor at work about it, but im still on the fence even without knowing for sure if i trust this dude enough to do 5+ grams of mushroom and then put on a blindfold with him and now hes also pitching me microdosing idk. lol im supposed to tell him about the journaling ill make sure to leave this part out.

A Reflection On This Weeks Journal Entires

monday: i journaled about deciding to lean in with my wife as she decides she enjoys being a homemaker and has fun doing it

tuesday: i didnt journal i guess?

wednesday: i started journaling about the deja vu / nostalgia / forgotten dream / weird feeling

thursday: i journaled about overcoming an oncoming bad vibe when i way overslept but still recovered, and then about being happy about some happenings at work

friday: i didnt journal i guess?

saturday: i journaled about having such a great day with the kids and giving the wife the morning off even though she decided to stay home from hanging out with friends due to snow and her being so happy and about my workout and then a bit about having sex.

sunday: i journaled about how when we were out playing in the snow with the kids, my wife confided that she used to think "i dont know how much longer i can do this" and that she thought to herself today that she hasnt thought that in a long time and wanted to share that with me. this is something i chose to be happy about the good part of instead of sad about the past.

Goals Shit

todo list

its really piled up tbh

eat right

5/7 ate right pretty well but i wasnt really too worried about it and im not really now either

focus at work

better for sure this is still hard, i think i have adhd for real

have good time with the kids

killed on it this tbh

dont oversleep

pretty much only did well on this yesterday and today

choose mood

killed it

do happy things

did good on this, even working on a project, but i need to adjust this. i need to add some video games into this when i get those weird urges, and also i need to sadly move italian lessons into the do-hard-things list because its gotten really hard to make the time.

felt great after sex this week, and we had more than usual and we both just keep getting better every time still, but neither time was an occurrence of wife wanting-to-fuck-but-not-wanting-to-cum which is where the real challenge here is, these could have been free-squares.

Do Hard Things

did pretty well on this, not a lot to comment on here other than: "ask for something you want." is so hard for me.

also, "recover from a bad mood" whew fucking grand slammed that shit all week, including particularly tonight.

Go To Bed On Time

fucked this up all week and statistically i will again tonight.

Make The First Thing You Say To Wife And Kids Be Positive

did well on this too but theyre great they make it easy.

pixelnull, to random

i'm sorry for all the strays people may be getting but i'm making a word filter for all the football words for at least a week

it's like over 25 so of specific and really base words (including "game, "ball", "sports", and"super"). if you say something to me and i don't respond that's why

0x00string,

@pixelnull word, i feel like i understand sports fandom and i dont have anything against it, ive just never got into it myself. its funny that you describe it the way you do because i often count myself lucky to not have the extra stress heh.

im glad things are moving in a good way for you and also that youre on youre way out of the red state. its at least a little purple everywhere but at least by moving you can be around a more favorable selection of folks as things continue to be how they be. we fled texas and rented here in CO and are now settling here permanently-unless-we-need-to-also-flee-the-whole-country, wifes parents even moved here now too.

yeah, that is right to my recollection. thanks for complimenting my takes i work hard on them :D (thats some shit id tell my daughter to say)

0x00string,

@pixelnull word i feel that for sure. our kids were young enough that the move didnt take anything away from them really.

kick-sand-shoulders-hunched-twisting-at-the-hip.gif

word, thank you homie

extremely-goofy-movie-daps.gif

0x00string, to random

i salvaged my vibe by laying on the floor and meditating about everything that made me happy today. i even smiled without forcing myself to, just cause it felt so good to remember all of that and think of being grateful for it all.

0x00string,

jeez buddy gotta have ta write a check for all those fancy words

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