janonymous,

Some already posted links to Eldritch Horror Jolene by Evil Lighthouse, but I think Jolie4 did a better version: Jolene (HP Lovecraft version) by Joliet4

uriel238,
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

This is the version that nails it ( on YouTube )

It slow-burns the intro so that it turns creepy.

Arsenal4ever,

Reddit was good, once.

Kowowow,

Our only hope of defeating her is roooooooxanne and her red light

reverendsteveii,

Her skin is pale

Her eyes are red

Her leaden voice commands the dead

To rise and stand beside their dreadful queen

No mortal can escape her thrall

Her beauty will consume us all

And even now I hear them call “Jolene…”

Corkyskog,
QuinceDaPence,

the singer

We really doin' Dolly like that huh?

uriel238,
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Personally I prefer the scenario over the guy being too fickle and horny to keep to a committed relationship. If Jolene is beguiling him with unearthly powers and means to devour his soul, it puts the singer and the man on the same side.

Llewellyn,

You’re implying she can’t sing?

quindraco,

No, they’re implying Dolly has a name.

zerofk,

Isn’t Dolly that sheep they cloned?

(No disrespect to either Dolly meant; the human one is a great singer. I’ve never heard the other one sing.)

EssentialCoffee,

Except it could be any person singing this version of the song. It doesn’t have to be Dolly.

Taleya,

You’re gonna love this.

Corkyskog,
hazeebabee,

This is exactly the form i wanted to see this in, thank you

gravitas_deficiency,

That’s really good. I feel like it has the potential to be the nucleus of a pretty sweet SCP entry.

Lord_McAlister,

SCP 88999 - The Eldrich CD player. Safe class.

After the latest break in by the cult of SCP 2662, a record player was discovered on one of the bodies.

It wasn’t until SCP 2662 used this cd player itself that it’s anomalous properties came forth. For the vast majority of cds inserted into SCP 88999, nothing happens, however if one is to insert a copy, cover, or parody of Dolly Parton’s “Jolyne” they’ll find the song continues much further than expected.

However this is never pleasant, as the lyrics never reach the final act of the song, instead the portion of the lyrics describing Jolyne will continue, seemingly indefinitely, with the description warping and becoming more and more disturbing the longer it goes on. For example after Dolly begs Jolyne to not take her man, several instances of this recording have had different stanzas describe Jolyne cackling with delight, flipping Dolly off, or even spitting in her face, something Dolly’s character likely doesn’t deserve.

However this is still the mild stage, eventually the lyrics continue to describe various impossible eldrich beings, often attributed to have impossible features such as “a billion left eyes”, “tears of lead”, “mile wide claws”, “4th dimensional spikes”, and “eyes of madness”.

These lyrics apparently also hold a nmetic effect on listeners, slowly driving anyone listening to complete madness after listening for roughly 72 minutes. A deaf D-class agent will need to be expended to shut off the device after it has played for more than 46 minutes, after which they will need to he psychoactivly analyzed as even feeling the vibrations of the device can cause delayed madness effects.

Interestingly enough, while normal songs are useless to this device, parodies or poor covers of the song produce even stranger half-results, often resulting in “eldrich jolyne” being described as a 4 foot squirrel with gastrointestinal destress. It has been used occasionally by SCP staff to jokingly mock others for their singing ability.

knobbysideup,

So jolene is akin to a biblical angel?

samus12345,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

Eldritch horror, so yes.

Laticauda,

Your favourite reddit post is a tumblr post?

uriel238,
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

It crossed my feed on r/WitchesVsPatriarchy

Currens_felis,

Half of Reddit was reposts from Twitter and Tumblr

Laticauda,

And more than half of Lemmy is reposts from Reddit

samus12345,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

And remains so.

notst,

And now we’re doing it here, too!

samus12345,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

I honestly don’t have a problem with it as long as reposts are spaced out. Content is content.

TrustingZebra,

And TikTok cringe.

weedazz,

Damn it’s like Dolly created a form of haiku

root_beer,

That’s a tumblr post though, isn’t it?

EonNShadow,

Sounds like something from a game of 10 Candles lmao

Ransom,

Haha. Reddit was magic sometimes.

reverendsteveii,

This is definitely tumblr

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